On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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