she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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