I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
