Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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