two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
