I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize