There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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