saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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