What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
