hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
