wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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