Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
