im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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