Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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