sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
