the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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