In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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