I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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