Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
