We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
