Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize