you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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