you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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