i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
