my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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