ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He has the fingertips of a God
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
