A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
