I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
