due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
