He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
