Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
