The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
