It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
