So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
