Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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