who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
