can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
