Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
