But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize