Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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