She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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