We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize