I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
