at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
