I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
