i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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