he shaved USA in his pubs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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