You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
