i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
