I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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