this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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