i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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