I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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