Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
