She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize