He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
