just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
