This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
