And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
