Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
