after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
