All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
