she was so not down for the gang bang
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
