if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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