Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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