I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
